


You're not alone. Keep marching on.

by ManiacManaged4749



Category: The Orville (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManiacManaged4749/pseuds/ManiacManaged4749
Summary: Ed has been feeling a bit down lately and there is only one way he can deal with it.
Relationships: Kelly Grayson/Ed Mercer
Kudos: 4





	You're not alone. Keep marching on.

It had been a long day. Even though he had gotten off work early, the day still dragged. Kelly wasn’t in. It was weird for him to walk into an empty apartment. He had gotten so used to smelling food cooking and the faint hint of Kelly’s floral perfume that it felt surreal for him to be the first in.

In some ways, he was glad that she wasn’t in, but he still missed her just like when he was at work. Usually, he hid his emotions from Kelly. He didn’t want her to see him weak and vulnerable; he didn’t want pity from her. So, he hid them away. For Ed, this was the best time to let them run wild.

Looking at his watch, he worked out he had an hour and half to let his emotions free and for him to compose himself. Making his way to the bedroom, he burst out crying.

There were reasons why he was crying but sometimes you can’t put how you feel into words or explained. He felt worthless, ugly, pathetic and weak. Ed has had depression for awhile but never spoke about it. _No one would understand. No one ever does._ He thought Kelly deserved better; a man who make time for her and not work as obsessively as he did. _Why did she marry me?_

His body would’ve just flopped onto the ground, letting his emotions take over his body but after such a long time, he stumbled towards the kitchen counter and reached for a knife. He had done it before; it was a way to make his mental pain into physical pain. He knew it wasn’t healthy and that it would possibly just make things worse, but it was all he could do.

Nonchalantly, he made his way into the bedroom and slumped against the wall. His usual spots for his breakdowns. Tears were rushing down his cheeks and dripping down onto either his cold hands or the grey carpet that sat below his feet. Ed pulled up his knees to his chest and rested his left arm on the top of his knee. He placed the sharp, cold knife carefully on his pale white skin and braced himself.

The knife cut against his skin with ease as he let out muffled scream. He hadn’t done this in ages. He lifted the knife up and struck his skin again, this time not screaming only flinching. He waited a moment as he felt blood drip from both cuts.

He waited for a few more moments evaluating everything that could happen, watching his own blood drip onto the carpet. He could carry on. He could make his way gradually to his wrist and end it all. His tears had slowed and crying calmed but still felt an urge to cut again to finally stop all these feelings.

Placing the knife against his skin, he braced himself for another strike, but he heard something. He had heard the door open and then close. Kelly was home. She was either early or time had gone really fast. Luckily, Ed hadn’t told her he was going to had gotten off work early. He could easily make his way to the bathroom and clean himself up but no, the universe wouldn’t let him.

Before he could make a run to the bathroom, the bedroom door opened. She strolled into the room and admired her surrounding until her eyes finally locked onto Ed. It took her a bit of time to process what was going on and as soon as the realisation hit, she launched herself onto the floor beside him.

Her immediate reaction was to take away the knife that now hung against his palm and placed it somewhere he couldn’t reach. Her eyes scanned his arm. Within seconds, she decided to get a cold flannel to calm down the bleeding. She placed it carefully on his arm and pulled him into a tight hug.

They stayed like that for a few minutes but they both knew they needed to talk about this. Something that Ed dreaded. “Speak to me Ed.” She broke the silence. “Don’t hide your feelings, please. I’m here for you. Okay?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. Its so difficult. I just feel all these complicated emotions and I just don’t know how to deal with them. I’ve felt like this for years and this has been the only outlet that I have had.” Ed admitted, voice cracking as he tried to push away the tears. He wanted to say more but didn’t know what or how to say it. All he could get out was “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. People feel these things, and no one very knows how to deal with them.” She paused briefly so she could press a kiss to Ed’s temple. “I’m here for you no matter what. Don’t hide these feelings from me, tell me please. I don’t want to lose you, ever. You’re the most important person in my life and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Sweetheart, I’m so sorry you dealt with this before.”

For the first time since she appeared, he looked into her ocean blue eyes. More tears were forming in his chocolate brown eyes and some in hers. “I will. I’ll talk to you and tell you whenever I am feeling like this. I wish I had told you earlier, I just didn’t know how you would’ve reacted. Thank you. You’re amazing, you’re too good for me, you know that?”

“I’m not.” Kelly admitted, “Even if you had told me sooner, I would’ve still reacted the same way. Don’t ever doubt that. Now how about we get you cleaned up and we change into our pyjamas. What do you say? Me, you, a bottle of wine, pizza and a movie. As long as you promise to tell me whenever you feel like this, okay?”

“I promise.” Ed spoke. Soon enough, Kelly lifted his chin up ever so slightly and placed a small kiss to his lips. “Right, pizza.” He clapped his hands together and jumped up having a burst of energy run through his body as Kelly giggled at his eagerness.

“First, lets get that arm sorted out.”

* * *

It had been about 4 years since that happened and lots of things had changed. They weren’t married anymore and now worked on a star ship together, but Ed had still kept his promise.

Even after everything, they were still close and there for each other.

Kelly was happy that he had kept the promise. She was always the first person he went to when he felt like he did, and she was always there for him no matter what time or how busy she was. She was always going to be there for him.

Subtly, she turned her head to look at him. _He should never think that he isn’t worth it, ever_. She thought

More thoughts occupied her mind about her marriage to Ed. All good thought, of course. Yeah, the bad days were bad, but the good days always outweighed the bad. Turning back towards the viewfinder, she allowed the memories to take over and a small smile to form on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this fanfic. Comments and kudos are greatly appriciated as well as constructive critisism which help imrove my work. The title is some of the lyrics from the song Battle Scars by Paradise Fears. Thanks! :)


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